She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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