I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
