i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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