we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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