So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
