i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
