please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
