So gin and wine won't be happening again
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
