it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
