apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
