So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize