I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
