I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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