i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
