what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
