I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
