Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
