My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
