I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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