I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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