Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
