I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
