At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
