What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
