he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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