dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize