Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
