he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
