I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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