Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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