The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
sex in a hospital.. check
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
