I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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