I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
