And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
