how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
