Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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