Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
