Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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