: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
