Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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