Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
