plz talk dirty to me
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize