Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
