someone threw a dead crab at me
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize
