It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I did not marry a roomba.
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