Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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