I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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