Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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