You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's blow job season.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
