my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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