I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
