There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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