just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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