ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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