There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I need to stop coming to work sober
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
