you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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