C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
