So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
