my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
