break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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