writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
