Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
