I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he was CRYING into my vagina
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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