I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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