You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
