Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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