DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
