the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
