Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
