You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
