Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
