Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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